Guide To Successful Married Life

By Dr. Jeff Mirus  | Jan 20, 2025

 Today I offer ten rules drawn from my own experience and reflection. It’s not rocket science; not everybody needs to read a book to figure it out. But it does take thought, prayer and self-discipline to turn all of the points below into the strong habits that create good marriages. I divide my rules into two groups of five, each with its own heading:

Exemplify a counter-cultural Catholicism in your single life and in your courtship:

1. Frequent the sacraments, including regular Confession and attending Mass more often than the Church requires.
2. Deliberately form yourself in the Faith (if you’re a joiner, find and join a good group of dedicated young Catholics).
3. Combine prayer with chastity: Pray regularly about your vocation and live chastely at all times, especially while dating.
4. Date only strong practicing Catholics who share your commitment. (Mixed marriages can work, but they are far harder and, without the rapid conversion of your non-Catholic spouse, they inescapably jeopardize the Faith of your children.)
5. When you begin to date someone regularly, pray separately and together for each other and to discern God’s will regarding marriage.

Exemplify a counter-cultural Catholicism in your married life:

6. Ensure that your relationship with your spouse is continuous, pure and and always open to life. In other words, remain consistently present to your spouse after marriage; never “use” your spouse; and no contraception, ever.
7. Attend Mass as a family every Sunday and Holy Day and on as many weekdays as reasonably possible, and go to Confession regularly.
8. If you are blessed with children, do not take them for granted. Spend regular time with them, and observe the changing seasons of the Liturgical year in your family life, building customs.
9. Pray together at home each day, including your children. Pray for your spouse and each of your children daily. Say the Rosary daily with your spouse, and work up to a daily family Rosary as your children grow. Encourage each family member to pray privately as well.
10. Ensure both a counter-cultural Catholic household and a counter-cultural Catholic education for your children from primary school up to and including a good Catholic college.

You are not done yet:

11. Continue to pray every day for your spouse, and for each of your children even after they grow up and leave home, including all the members of their families as they grow.

You won’t be a perfect husband or wife. (If I haven’t succeeded, why should you?) Sometimes you will even have particular sins to repent, which is why regular Confession is part of a successful marriage. But have I left anything out? I’d like to share your additional thoughts. Respond in Sound Off (below) or send me a note using the email link in my byline above.